NEW YORK, NY – The NSA announced today that yes, everything that happens or has ever happened in history is a conspiracy. Vaccines, the moon landing, the earth being round, Zika virus, everything.
“We can’t hide the truth any longer, we felt we had to come clean,” said NSA official William B. Davis. “Rest assured that you can now call anything you want a conspiracy and be correct.”
Conspiracy theorists, surprisingly, are not convinced.
“That’s exactly what they want us to think,” said Marsha McClelland, owner of several cats. “They are probably in league with Big Tinfoil.”
It’s a well-known fact among conspiracy theorists like Jon Rappoport that the latest conspiracy is the Zika virus.
“The Zika virus is a false flag set up by the WHO, FDA, and the CDC to create a new vaccine and lower the population,” he claims. “All those babies with small-head syndrome, or whatever the medical term is, are all actors. I’ve seen several of them in photos from Sandy Hook. If you look closely at the photos, you can see them in the background. People just need to open their eyes.”
Anti-vaxxers are also distrusting of the news, believing that the NSA must somehow have something nefarious up their sleeve. They are currently waiting for a celebrity to tell them what to think.